Online in all of Massachusetts, Connecticut, and Florida.
Attachment Trauma Therapy
When old wounds wake up.
The worst thing for any human is to have an attachment figure that is physically present but emotionally absent.
Sometimes the pain that brings you to therapy isn’t just about what’s happening now.
It’s the echo of every time you reached for someone who couldn’t — or wouldn’t — reach back.
Attachment trauma isn’t a “problem” you can fix with logic or positive thinking. It’s the invisible blueprint that shapes how you love, trust, and protect yourself.
It starts when connection feels unsafe or inconsistent — when no one came alongside you as a child, when love meant self-abandonment, or when you had to earn affection by disappearing parts of yourself.
And then, years later, something breaks the surface — a divorce, an affair, the moment your relationship blows up and you’re left blindsided, raw, and wondering, What just happened to me?
Therapy for Attachment Trauma
Kimberly Schildbach, MEd, LMHC
Some wounds are old.
Some are hidden.
Some only surface when a relationship blows up, someone leaves, or life finally stops letting you run from yourself.
Attachment trauma isn’t a flaw or a failing — it’s what happens when the people who were supposed to keep you safe didn’t. When you learned to shrink, to please, to disappear, to survive. And now, decades later, it still whispers in your nervous system: stay small, don’t trust, brace for impact.
I want to help you stop running from that whisper. I don’t you to let your feelings slip by. I don’t let you intellectualize, distract, or numb your way out. Using Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (EFIT), I guide you straight into your emotional world — the tender, intelligent, messy, human part of you that has been ignored for too long.
How It Works
Therapy for Divorce, Attachment Trauma & Midlife in MA, CT, and Fl.
Attachment trauma isn’t just about childhood — it’s also developmental and relational, and it shows up in the relationships we have as adults. Divorce, infidelity, betrayal, or emotionally unavailable partners can reactivate old attachment wounds, leaving you anxious, mistrustful, or shut down.
In therapy, here’s how I will help:
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Track the Trigger Patterns: We'll map out how your nervous system reacts in real time — what makes you shut down, panic, or over-function in relationships. This gives clarity on why you respond the way you do instead of blaming yourself for being "too much" or "too emotional" (which is crap.)
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Recreate Secure Connection: I provide a consistent, attuned presence. This is your “secure base,” where you can practice feeling all the emotions that feel unsafe elsewhere — grief, anger, fear, betrayal — without being judged or shut down.
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Process the Emotional Fallout: Therapy will help you feel instead of bypass or minimize your struggles, understand your internal signals, and integrate your experiences rather than let them control your behavior (we call that "emotional regulation" and it feels really good but only AFTER we are allowed to feel it in an unregulated way.)
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Rebuild Your Relational Blueprint: We root out any unhealthy relational loops that keep you from getting the connection your whole nervous system craves.
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Reclaim Identity & Self-Authority: Divorce, betrayal, and relational trauma often make you define yourself around others’ choices. I help you rebuild your identity from the inside out, so your decisions, boundaries, and self-worth are grounded in your own values — not reactive fear or loss.
After an initial period of recalibration — and the grief that naturally comes with it — life will start to feel lighter. You’ll carry more compassion for what you’ve endured, and see your mistakes as a human doing their best. You’ll begin to trust yourself again, welcome your emotions as guides instead of obstacles, and stand behind boundaries as strong as a fortified castle — with only you holding the drawbridge.
How Can Emotionally Focused Therapy Help?
Attachment Isn’t Just About Relationships—It’s About YOU
Your attachment patterns aren’t flaws—they’re survival strategies your brain developed when the people you depended on couldn’t meet your needs. But those strategies? They stick. They shape your fears, your desires, your conflicts, and the way you show up—or don’t show up—in life and love.
Attachment theory gives us a roadmap out of that trap. It helps you:
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Understand why you panic, push away, or cling—sometimes all at once.
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See the old patterns that are running your life and relationships, even when you “know better.”
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Slow down long enough to actually feel the fear, grief, or longing that your defenses have been protecting you from.
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Build new ways of connecting—to yourself and to others—that feel safe.
With me, we don’t just talk about attachment—we experience it in session. We hover where it’s tender, we trace the patterns that sneak in when you’re stressed, we sit with the feelings you’ve avoided for decades.
This is deep, focused, sometimes intense work. But here’s the promise: when you dare to see your patterns and take (even small) steps to break out - you experience yourself as brave. And then the next steps don't seem so scary.
Attachment Trauma Therapy FAQs
What if I’ve carried this my whole life and nothing has worked?
Then this is exactly why you’re here. Attachment trauma is layered and complex. It isn’t about quick fixes or pep talks. It’s about presence, attention, and emotional fidelity to yourself. We slow everything down so your nervous system can catch up. You’ll feel what you’ve ignored, learn to interpret it, and finally act from the part of you that’s wise, tender, and alive.
What if I feel like I can’t trust anyone anymore?
Then we start with you. You’ve been asked to survive without safety for too long, and the first step is learning to trust your own body, your own mind, your own instincts. When you trust yourself, trust in others becomes possible — not guaranteed, but possible.
What if I still obsess over my ex or my past relationships?
That obsession is the echo of attachment, the nervous system signaling unmet needs. We follow it. We unpack it. We bring awareness to the ways it drives your choices. You’ll begin to feel the longing and loss without being hijacked by them, and you’ll start to reclaim your life from their grip.
What if I’m afraid I’ll collapse in therapy?
That fear is part of the work. You will collapse. You will cry. You will rage. You will feel uncontainable grief. And you will also feel held, guided, and safe. I stay with you through every wave so you can experience your emotions without being lost to them.
What if I push people away or cling too tightly?
Those patterns are survival strategies, not character flaws. I help you see them, understand why they exist, and experiment with different ways of being that allow closeness without fear. You begin to relate to others — and yourself — from a place of safety rather than reactivity.
What if my emotions feel too big or chaotic?
Then we slow down. We track them. We give them language. You learn to tolerate intensity without being consumed, to let feelings guide rather than hijack your decisions, to inhabit your nervous system fully rather than fleeing from it.
What if I feel numb or disconnected from myself?
Then we wake the nervous system. We tune into the sensations, the subtle impulses, the quiet longing you’ve been ignoring. Numbness is not absence; it’s protection. And when it softens, you will meet the full range of your humanity — grief, tenderness, rage, desire, and love — in a way that teaches you who you are and what you need.
What if I’ve been hurt so many times I can’t imagine being safe?
Then we begin with safety, inside and outside of you. Therapy becomes the place where your nervous system experiences containment for the first time in decades. You learn that safety is possible, that boundaries can hold, that tenderness can survive.
What if I’m afraid I’ll never stop reliving the past?
Reliving isn’t the problem. Avoiding, numbing, or punishing yourself for reliving is. We sit with the memories, the feelings, the bodily reactions, and we give them language and context. Only then can the past become material for insight, growth, and freedom.